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Lucha Underground 5/18/2016

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Last week on Lucha Underground, Mil Muertes died…AGAIN!

And the last of the Aztec Medallions was earned by Joey Ryan. This week, all the recipients of the Aztec Medallions will compete to earn the Gift of the Gods Championship where the champion has the right to a title shot. But then there’s Chavo Guerrero who stole Cage’s medallion…what mischief is he up to?

The Time: May 18th, 2016
The Place: The Temple
The Hosts: Matt Striker and Vampiro

In Dario Cueto’s office, Cage storms in and what’s his medallion back. Dario says it’s Cage’s problem and he better find Chavo fast otherwise, if he puts the medallion in the Gift of the Gods belt then Chavo gets the title shot and not Cage. Just go with it.

In the ring, it’s time for the Gift of the Gods ceremony where the possessors of the Aztec Medallions put them in the Gift of the Gods belt. Our possessors are Sexy Star, Aerostar, The Mack, Sinestro De La Muerte, Joey Ryan, Texano and Cage even though Chavo Guerrero has it. And those folks will be wrestling in the main event so we will have a new Gift of the Gods Champion TONIGHT!

Anyways, everyone then places their medallions in the belt while Cage is on the lookout for Chavo Guerrero. Chavo shows up and Cage beats him up, taking his medallion. But it turns out it was a FAKE! And Chavo sneaks the real medallion onto the belt, denying Cage his title match. Cage then hits his finisher on Chavo.

ARGENIS vs. DAGA vs. KOBRA MOON vs. MASCARITA SAGRADA

Famous B does the ring intro for Mascarita Sagrada and it’s awesome. He also plugs his 423-GET-FAME hotline and the numbers show up one-at-a-time on screen.

Mascarita is kicking ass, giving a hurricarana to Daga and Argenis. He then goes for a dive but Kobra Moon punches him in the little face. Now it’s Mascarita and Kobra…it’s weird to see a woman and a midget go at it. Daga comes back and pulls Kobra from her hair but Kobra Moon gets the googooly eyes and goes to give Daga a BJ(?!!?!??!?!!?!?) Daga, very understandably, is a bit freaked and throws her out of the ring. Argenis is back in the ring and now it’s Daga against Argenis. It’s a back-and-forth affair and it’s pretty cool. Daga goes out of the ring and then Argenis hits a Springboard Moonsault on him!

Back to Mascarita Sagrada and Kobra Moon in the ring! And Mascarita hits a little Canadian Destroyer on Kobra Moon!!!!! Argenis is back and Mascarita hits an armbar on him but Argenis powers out and gives Mascarita Sagrada a one-armed package powerbomb. Daga and Kobra Moon gets back in the ring. Daga has both Argenis and Kobra in simultaneous submission moves with Kobra on Daga’s back and Argenis on the mat. But Mascarita Sagrada breaks it all up. Everybody does a bunch of moves and it all ends with Daga doing a dive onto Argenis while Mascarita is knocked out while Famous B is giving him advice and encouragement. Kobra hits a dropkick on Mascarita and gives him a Michinoku Driver but let’s Daga have the pin to Daga’s confusion. Somewhat fun even if I’m as confused as Daga over Kobra Moon’s intentions.

WINNER: DAGA

Kobra Moon keeps trying to seduce Daga but Daga is scared and confused and what’s no part of it.

In the locker room, Marty the Moth taunts Killshot and says they have a match next. THEN THEY KUNG-FU FIGHT! Marty loses but he laughs like a maniac. I don’t know, a kung-fu fight just kills towns brother.

MARTY THE MOTH vs. KILLSHOT

Marty is still creeping ring announcer, Melissa Santos, out. Anyways, Marty starts strong punching Killshot and throwing him out of the ring. Marty goes for a dive but he was faking one and flips off the crowd, so Killshot kicks him in the head. Then Killshot actually does a real dive but Marty catches him and gives him a big powerslam. They’re back in the ring and Marty puts his nasty fingers down Killshot’s mouth, then gives him a German Suplex into an Exploder Suplex for a near fall.

Killshot recovers and hits a superkick to Marty’s face, then a sidekick to the side of Marty’s head. Killshot hits Marty with a cutter for a near fall. Killshot goes to the top rope but Marty throws him out of the ring and they brawl with Marty dominating. Killshot recovers and puts Marty down with a Death Valley Driver on the ring apron! They crawl back to the ring and do the Boo-Yay punch spot but Killshot finishes it with a knee strike but it wasn’t enough cause Marty hits Killshot with a clothesline and a Curb Stomp for a near fall. Marty works Killshot in the corner but Killshot finally gets him in a Package Piledriver and gets the pin. Decent match by normal standards, great match by Marty the Moth standards.

WINNER: KILLSHOT

Marty throws Killshot out of the ring and throws him into a barricade, then onto the ring corner, then back to the barricade. Marty grabs Killshots dog tags and puts Killshot down with a top rope Curb Stomp.

TEXANO vs. JOEY RYAN vs. THE MACK vs. SINESTRO DE LA MUERTE vs. AEROSTAR vs. SEXY STAR vs. CHAVO GUERRERO

This is for the Gift of the Gods Championship.

I’ll try my best but this is gonna be a case of everyone does moves to each other. The ring is cleared except for Joey Ryan and Sexy Star. Sexy is dominating Joey and not in the way he likes it. Now Joey is dominating Sexy in the way he likes it before Chavo breaks it up. The Mack comes back and the faces clear the ring. Now Sexy wants to face The Mack, The Mack is reluctant but they do until Texano interrupts and throws Sexy out of the ring. They brawl until Aerostar comes from the SKY!

So now it’s Texano and Aerostar with Texano unzipping his bodysuit and giving him chops to his bare, pale chest. Anyways Aerostar escapes and it’s a battle of speed vs. power. Sinestro is in the ring so now it’s Sinestro and Aerostar. They wrestle and it’s not good. So not good that Aerostar would rather do the Trust Fall onto Texano and Chavo then actually wrestle him. Sinestro is not pleased so he dives after Aerostar!

Joey Ryan is in the ring alone but Sexy is up…then dives onto all the dudes so Joey is alone again, until The Mach shows up! But Ryan is up to the challenge with a pump handle suplex as Sinestro enter the ring and does some modified backstabber onto Ryan. Then Texana is up and he just beats the hell out of Sinestro until Aerostar shows again. They do stuff until it’s now back to Sexy Star and Joey Ryan. The Mack comes back in and Sexy Star chops Joey, then The Mack does and so on. Chavo returns to the ring, kills everyone and hits a frog splash on Ryan before The Mack breaks up the pin.

Everybody is in the ring and surround Chavo. The Mack gives Chavo a Stunner, Sexy gives him a Codebreaker, Texano hits the Texano Bomb, Sinestro hits the Springboard Leg Drop and Aerostar finishes him off with the Springboard Dive. Cage shows up…wait, Cage?! Cage then kills everyone not named Chavo…then drags Chavo’s over Joey Ryan for the pin. Rather good…until the ending which kinda makes sense but should’ve gone another way.

WINNER: CHAVO GUERRERO

Cage gets the mic and says that Dario Cueto has already set up Chavo Guerrero against Cage for the Gift of the Gods champion next week! Chavo is understandably scared out of his mind.

In Vampiro’s evil temple, Vampiro has Pentagon Jr suspended with some evil wires and starts beating him with an evil kendo stick. He says that Mantanza broke Pentagon Jr. in two so now Vampiro must…break him…again….EVILLY! Vampiro monologues about weakness and how the weak show suffering and are afraid, which is what Pentagon Jr is doing and is. The segment ends with Vampiro getting an evil barb-wired baseball bat and hitting Pentagon Jr. with it as the show ends.

Hot damn this was pretty good, granted it was nowhere near great but it was great fun and an easy watch.

You can follow me on Twitter at @pstergos.

–Patrick Alexander

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Patrick Alexander

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